Chapter Text
After breakfast Airakus tried and failed to escape from Harry and Ron to go find Draco, and after Ron had started whining about girls for the fourth time or so Seamus had left to go find Dean.
Airakus didn't want to feel trapped with Harry and Ron, especially right after Harry and him had seemingly stopped arguing.
They were his best mates; but to be honest, he would have rather cleaned screwt cages for a month than listen to them complain for another second.
He slipped away after lunch, claiming he was gonna go see Madame Pomfrey for something to cure his stomach ache, instead he rushed towards the dungeons.
He paced the corridors outside of the Slytherin common room waiting, but nobody passed by.
He went upstairs and tried looking in empty rooms and the library but once again couldn't find Draco, Theo, Pansy or Blaise.
Airakus eventually thought to check outside and grinned when he saw the Slytherins out by the lake, sitting on the wet pebbly sand as Theo splashed around in the shallows, his trousers tugged up above his knees as he held up his robes.
It was May, still far too cold to go swimming, but of course Airakus rushed over, ignoring Draco and Pansy as he tackled Theo into the water, the both of them laughing hysterically as they resurfaced, drenched to the bone.
“Arsehole! These are my only clean robes!” Theo exclaimed through laughter, Airakus shaking his head as he spit the water from his mouth.
“It's Saturday, why are you even in your uniform?” He teased, everyone pausing as they turned to Theo who just shrugged.
Airakus shoved Theo lightly back into the water, Draco standing rather suddenly.
“Watch it Rosier!” Malfoy snapped, Airakus running a hand through his wet hair, eyebrows furrowed as he looked between Draco and Theo, who had just come back up, the laughter disappearing from his face when he saw Draco, standing cautiously.
“Jesus mate I was kidding,” Airakus replied with an awkward laugh, Theo laying on his back as he waded around in the water, avoiding eye contact with Pansy as she tried to calm Draco down.
Airakus sat silently for a few minutes, looking between the three Slytherins confused before he opened his mouth to speak, Pansy cutting him off.
“Rosier really, it's not the time. You should go.” Pansy snapped, brow furrowed, hand on Draco's shoulder as the boy scoffed, picking up his tweed jacket as he tugged his shoes back on.
“Forget it.” Draco shook her off as he began walking back towards the castle, head down.
“What happened?” Airakus asked, Pansy shaking her head with an astounded glance at Airakus.
“Don't bloody ask me?” She replied as she stood, tugging her jumper off, Airakus ignoring the nervous glance Theo sent him as Pansy came walking towards him in the lake, Airakus shaking his hair dry as he tugged back on his own shoes, pulling his jumper off as he rang it dry, rushing across the fresh lawn to catch up with Malfoy.
It wasn't the best idea to be seen with Draco outside, especially given Airakus didn't know where Harry or Ron were at the moment.
But he really didn't care, his only thought was to figure out why Draco was upset with him again.
Had Draco been angry about Harry nearly catching them that morning? Well clearly he was angry with Airakus from the night before, about what Airakus still wasn't sure. It was clearly his fault, he had seemed fine until Airakus had arrived, or well, he hadn't really been fine all day.
Airakus took a glance around, seeing a few Gryffindors in the year below him, Liza amongst the crowd.
“Malfoy!” He called, his voice reminiscent of the days where they had hated one another.
“Malfoy slow down!” Airakus called again, reaching out to grab Draco who shook the boys hand off, turning to face Airakus, his eyebrows furrowed, chin high with snobbish pride as his eyes found Airakus’s, rage bubbling behind his soft blue gaze, his fists whiter than snow as they clenched at his sides.
“What the f*ck do you want?” Draco snapped, Airakus pausing as his breath stopped, taken aback by the malice in the boy's voice.
“I'm sorry about this morning, I wanted to talk to you about it, I didn't mean to blow you off like that just Harry could have…” Airakus began, Draco scoffing as he rolled his eyes, tossing his jacket over his shoulder as he stared at the ground.
“It’s always about Potter isn't it? If Potter finds out it's the end of the world!” Draco accused, Airakus pausing as he shook his head.
“You don't understand,” Airakus began, Draco scoffing.
“No I really don't!? You're the one who started this all? You're the one who nearly kissed me at the yule ball Rosier? I didn't want to tell Potter or Granger or Weasley but you seem to be racing your mind figuring out ways for them to know without them killing you and me and telling the whole f*cking school?!” Draco yelled, Airakus stepping forwards eyebrows suddenly furrowed
“Can we talk about this somewhere else? There's people around!” Airakus muttered to Draco, reaching out to grab the boy's hand, Draco shaking his head as he stepped backwards.
“No,” He began, Airakus’s heart jumping.
“No. If you want this you have to want to tell them.” Draco said, Airakus pausing.
“I do want to tell them, Draco, I do want to tell them, do you think I don't want them to know?!” Airakus exclaimed, getting rather frustrated.
“No Rosier you don't. If you wanted them to know it wouldn't be so detrimental for anyone to find out. I want Theo and Blaise to know, I'd be overjoyed if they already knew so it was out of the bloody way, but I can't tell them. That's the difference between you and I. I want them to know, I want things to be easier, and you seem to be fine living two f*cking lives.” Draco snapped, Airakus standing, the cool May breeze blowing his hair.
Sixteen was treating him better. His hair was curling like it used to, and he was growing into his long limbs. His eyes were tired, but wide with excitement.
Right now he didn't look that excited.
He stared at Draco.
Malfoy wasn't sixteen yet, but he was still growing up. His baby face was gone, a slim, bony structure replacing it. His hair was pure white now, the hint of human colour disappearing that winter and never returning. He still had those freckles though, 48 across his cheeks and nose, Airakus had counted.
“What about us?” Draco asked, Airakus’s breath catching in his throat. He felt like he was choking.
“That's what you said when I asked about Potter. What about us? What happened to that? When was the last time you thought about that Rosier? Thought about me as something other than your little goddamn secret?” Draco scoffed, Airakus stepping forwards again.
“Draco no, no, I…You dont understand I..”
Draco turned, shaking his head as he began storming back to the castle, Airakus standing in the field alone.
“I love you” He muttered, his eyes welling as he turned towards the quidditch pitch where he could see the other students watching on, muttering rumours.
Airakus wiped his eyes with the back of his hands as he stood there, staring at where Draco had been, then at the door to the castle where the boy had disappeared inside.
Did he really want them all to know?
The answer was simple.
Yes.
He wanted to sit with Draco and talk about Draco, how Ron rambled about Hermione, how Fred rambled about Angie.
He wanted to tell Harry about him, and talk about him at dinner at home with Remus and Sirius.
But he couldn't. Draco knew he couldn’t, just how Airakus knew those rules applied to Malfoy as well.
Their situation was too difficult, but Airakus knew Draco wanted everyone to know.
That if they could, they would tell their friends.
Did Draco really think Airakus didn't want them to know?
That he was ashamed of Malfoy?
That he was using him?
He stood there, staring, eyes wide.
Someone talked to him, it might have been Theo, but he left after Airakus did not reply, glancing back at the boy as Pansy tugged him along after Blaise.
He stood there.
The dinner bell rang, but he didnt move, those same Gryffindors apprehensively leaving him as they walked to the great hall, the sun setting over the grounds as Airakus stared, his eyes stinging as he forgot to blink over and over again.
What had he done?
What was he going to do?
He stood there, until his legs gave out and he found himself staring at the starry night sky.
Freshly sixteen and every song he had listened to suddenly became true.
Love hurts.
He had said it aloud, although Draco hadn't heard him.
Airakus didn't think he had ever loved anyone like that before.
He didn't think he ever would. He didn't think he could.
He was too damaged.
It seemed impossible.
He stared at the stars, eyes welling each time he landed on Dracos own constellation shining above him tauntingly.
He wasn't sure when he fell asleep, all he remembered was tears.
Tears he was ashamed of.
